Somewhere Between Six and Eleventy Weird Things About Me

OK, I was going to do this list, and I probably will eventually, but I have to admit that there are way more than 6 weird things about me. Seriously. I'm a real piece o' work. I'll have to come back to this one. After I've condensed my list. Yeah. Later.

All right, just for fun, I'll list one:

I'm a BIG time procrastinator. You'd have never guessed that one, would you?

I promise I will come back to this one. Really.
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And now, thanks to BooMama for encouraging me to "let my freak flag fly" - (drum roll, please) without further ado...here's my list:

1) As I've already mentioned, I can procrastinate like nobody's business. I was born late, and I will be late to my own funeral (hopefully).

2) I have laundry OCD. Read the label, people, or don't touch my laundry. "Machine Wash Warm" means wash it in warm water. "Line Dry" means hang it up. "Tumble Dry Low" means in the dryer on low heat. Etc.

3) There are exceptions to the laundry rules. Learn them and nobody gets hurt. I don't care if my jeans label reads "Tumble Dry Medium" - they're going in the dryer on low. Period. I don't care if my undies label reads "Machine Wash Cold" - they will be washed in warm water. Or else. If there is the remotest possibility of shrinkage, it will either be dried in the dryer on low or hung until only slightly damp then tossed into the dryer on LOW.

4) Laundry OCD applies to my laundry only. If you don't care, I don't care. But since I do care, please do me a favor and don't do my laundry. Unless it's towels (preferably warm), t-shirts (whatever), or socks (whatever).

4) I can't wear lipstick because it chaps my lips. I always, always have chapstick on hand, and on my lips of course. It has to be chapstick moisturizer spf15. Hate cherry. Hate the original stuff.

5) I don't wear makeup. Used to wear it in high school when I didn't need it. Need it now, won't wear it. (I'm a wash'n'go kinda gal.)

6) I like puns and corny jokes. Flatulence jokes, funny. Flatulence, not funny.

7) I am easily amused. When I start laughing, I can't stop, especially in church. Flashback: My daughter and I were visiting a local church, and the pastor's sermon was about the identity of Christ. He said, "he looked like a man..." and we didn't hear another word. One look from her turned my giggle box over, because I knew we were thinking the same thing: The Chinese lady witness character from MadTV whose only English is "he looka lika man."

8) I'm a good cook, but I hate to clean. Therefore, I rarely cook.

9) I'm good at math and can balance my checkbook to the penny, but I'm about 6 months behind.

10) I love thunderstorms. I like to stand outside when it's storming, if there is an awning or covered porch, if not then I'll have the door open.

11) I like peanut butter and syrup on my pancakes, but only butter and syrup on my waffles.

12) I didn't like steak when I was a kid. Until I was grown, I never knew it could be tender.

13) Kraft Mac'n'Cheese, please, if you're making the boxed kind. Homemade is best. With cheddar, not Velveeta.

14) I drink skim milk. I love skim milk. I can't stand whole milk. When I was a kid, I would only drink whole milk.

15) I've never been on a "diet" of any kind. I used to eat whatever I wanted, in moderation, then exercise like crazy. Now I think about exercise and lose my appetite.

16) I love oranges, but I hate to peel them.

17) I don't mind shopping, but I hate to spend money. I can window shop all day and go home empty-handed, yet satisfied. My kids do not understand this.

18) I'm a night owl. I stay up too late every night and look like death-warmed-over in the morning, but I cannot go to bed before midnight.

19) I have a nice singing voice, so I 've been told. I've also been told that I have a nice speaking voice. I enjoy singing, and I've sung solos in church, but I always get so nervous, even my lips quiver. I should be a backup singer.

20) I don't mind being last. As children, when my sisters and I had to take turns, playing a game or whatever, I would volunteer to be last so they could fight over who would be first.

21) This should probably be nearer the top: I met my husband online. Playing Scrabble. We dated long-distance for a year and a half before deciding to marry. After we married, we continued to live separately for 2 1/2 months. Then I moved to his home state.

22) My younger daughter lives with her dad in my home state, 10 hours away. This was not my decision, and I am praying that she will join me and her sister very soon, while there is still time for me to "bring her up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." This will be the topic of another post.

23) I won a spelling bee in the 4th grade. I didn't know it was the real deal (thought it was just a fun way to learn new words), and wound up beating out my 6th-grade sister to represent the school in the area competition. Won area, and was the second one disqualified at district by misspelling "guillotine", which, by the way, I've never had any occasion to have to spell, but have never forgotten since. Flashback: I was sitting in class one day when I got called over the loudspeaker to go see the principal. I nearly wet my pants, and for the life of me I couldn't think what I had done wrong. He met me in the media center to present me with a plaque in front of the whole school (we had open classrooms, which surrounded the media center). Blew my mind.

24) In school, I was usually some teacher's pet. Because I was the quiet one, not because I volunteered. No wonder I was unpopular.

25) I never make plans. I have attempted this feat, but have never been successful. Everything is tentative. I use the word "plan" as in "we're planning to come visit" and "I'm planning a party" but I'm not actually making out a schedule or anything. We'll come visit, but we can not tell you exactly what time we expect to arrive. We can give you a general idea, then we'll call to warn you when we're close (it's a 10-hour drive.) We'll get there when we get there (traffic is unpredictable, you know) and just enjoy hanging out. We do not require that you go out of your way for us, and we'd really prefer that you didn't. Plans spoil the fun. Say you've gone to a lot of trouble to arrange a cookout, and it rains. What then, Miss Had-it-all-planned-out? <--- That's my older sister, and if I did have plans, hers would be better so we'd abandon mine and go with hers. Why bother?

I was just going to ask "Could I be any weirder?" But the answer, sadly, is yes. Actually, I am.