I was counting on Lindsey to encourage Sarah to come back here for school next month, but when I spoke with her 2 days ago, she informed me that they both want to stay with their dad for the school year. My heart lurched at the news. I tried reasoning with her and reminded her of all the progress she made while she was here. Listening to her responses, it seems that since she's been there, she's forgotten all the reasons they need to be here. I know why they want to be there, and it isn't about preferring their dad to me. It's about doing what they want to do. It's about being resistant to change.
She has lapsed back into rebellion, hanging out with the same old friends and lying about where she's going with whom. She talks tough, as if her hummingbird butt could actually back up her alligator mouth: "Friend 2 showed up where we were and tried to get me to go with her to get the clothes I borrowed, but I wasn't about to leave so she shoved the door and it hit me, and I was gonna kick her @$$, but Friend 1 got in between us and I couldn't hit her...." It sounded like a transcript of the Jerry Springer Show. And my child using that kind of language with me? Not OK. But it's not just the language, it's the whole I-can-do-and-say-anything-I-want-to-and-get-away-with-it attitude.
I spoke with her again yesterday, hoping that something I said had gotten through. Nope. Same in-your-face tone. "If we went to court, the judge would ask us where we want to live,and we would get to stay here." I'm so tired of it all, and I'm angry.
Sarah wasn't as adamant when I spoke with her, so I don't really know what's going on in her mind, or her heart. I'm hoping that she's softening up and realizing that I am trying to do what's best for them.
After our conversation ended, I thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Sarah were to come here and Lindsey were to stay there. I've had it with her disrespectful attitude. Let him deal with it. Maybe that is what she needs.
I shook that thought out of my head and paused to assess my anger. I'm not angry at God, at least I don't think so, and I know I have no right to be. He hasn't failed me, I have failed Him, and not only has He has forgiven me, He has drawn me closer to Him. Satan is furious. He has launched an all-out attack, concentrating his efforts on the one area in which I am most vulnerable - my children. He would like nothing more than for me to give up hope.
I refuse to give him the satisfaction.
7 comments:
Brenda,
I am sorry you are having such a difficult time with your children. That is such a difficult thing to deal with. I have committed to praying for you, and your daughters.
I you stated it was your fault? I believe since you have become a Christian you have done the best you could. Parenting teens is very difficult and I will pray that the Lord will soften there hearts because I know he can Brenda. He can also give you the Grace to handle the situation as well. I know it must be hurtful and that is the hardest part. I will be praying that the Lord intercedes on your behalf.
Be Blessed
Bless you, friend. And bless your girls.
I don't even know what to say. But I'll be praying.
Don't give up, Brenda. Never give up. This is really, really hard but the worse possible thing that could happen now is for the girls to think you're throwing in the towel. Be steadfast. And I'm praying for you and them. I hate this for you -- my heart aches for you.
xoxoxo
Not fun at all! I'll be praying as well that God will give you peace with whatever decision is made. (((Hugs)))
I don't know what to say either. I know that as a teen, *sarcastic scoff* I knew it all, and in equal proportion -- my parents (especially Mom) knew nothing. But thankfully, I also know that the Lord was in charge even then, and that I had ministering angels attending me because He knew I would be inheriting salvation, even if I didn't know yet. So sorry.
THanks so much for sharing from your heart. I will commit to pray for your children. My own have grown up now, but still need MUCH prayer, but it's not hard to remember the times they rebelled and were mocking my faith (one of them, at least)..it hurt. Breaks a mother's heart, but just remember--God loves 'em even more than we do! As we turn them over to His care, we can trust all the outcomes with Him. Keep praying and don't give up! (and thanks for visiting my blog earlier. Appreciated your comment).
blessings & hugs,
Vicki
I have no words, but I will be praying.
Post a Comment